finding my strength

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Philippians 4:13

I’ve always wanted to believe I am a strong person. Who wouldn’t want to be strong?

I deluded myself into thinking that I could tuck away my insecurities, self-loathing, and struggles with mental health… I let bitterness and hatred fester inside of me for 17 years, and I pretended to be the exact opposite of what I had become.

I called that “strength”. I called that “discipline”.

It took a series of panic attacks, the haunting presence of my darkest thoughts, and, ultimately, God’s grace for me to finally be able to accept that I was not strong enough to fight my battles on my own. I realized that I needed the loving guidance of a best friend that I did not know I had all along.

I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior approximately 1 year and 4 months ago. That was the beginning of my journey to discovering real strength, which is found in Him and only Him.

There is so much more for me to learn about being a true follower of Christ and so many internal struggles I have yet to overcome, but I am renewed with joy and hope at knowing the truth that I have a Father who will forever love me at my best and at my worst. I have a new sense of clarity and thankfulness for the supportive, giving people He placed around me: my family and friends.

This tattoo is not only an aesthetically pleasing piece of body art, but also a physical manifestation of the permanent mark that God’s love has had on my life and a reminder that my strength is found in God and God alone.